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Ask Ben and Ben'll Answer, Round IV

mrmunkeepants writes:

so the GF and I are getting married next summer, but it's going to be a non-traditional wedding - like, really non-traditional. outside, God mentioned zero times... my parents are fairly conservative, how can I tell them about this without them thinking we're crazy pagans (because we aren't really _that_ crazy) and freaking out about our Godless union? if they're too uncomfortable, should I disinvite them?

Munkee, give your folks some credit to start. They love you, they'll love your honey, and yes, they may absolutely HATE your wedding plans. But invite them anyway, and make them feel welcome. This doesn't mean changing what you want (a few concessions here and there go a long way towards maintaining familial harmony - but those concessions can be color schemes, rehearsal dinners, who gets to make a sappy speech, etc. They don't have to be the actualy ceremony).

However, keep in mind that they're under no obligation to pay for any of this. And that they'll continue to voice their opinions. Stick to your guns, don't lose your mind, help HER to not lose her mind, and at the end? One way or another, it's the marriage that counts, not the wedding.

bluedaffodil writes:
Ben: We all have habits that we are not proud of and don't want to pass on to the next generation. So now that you are a parent, do you shape up and behave yourself, or do you abide by the "do as I say, not as I do" principle?

Well Blue, A. and I are still identifying a lot of those bad habits - like eating straight from the refrigerator, and not wearing pants, so I think it's a learning curve. Stuff that's way dangerous? You gotta stop? Other things, well, you've gotta think about the dudette, and the fact that she wants to do EVERYTHING that we do. And I look at her and think, DUDE, I do not want you to do that. I'd better stop!

It's a compromise, I think. I don't think we're gonna be able to stop swearing, but we'll teach her when it's appropriate, and when it's just gonna freak out grandma.

yeewuz writes:
Ben, when you and your partner decide that you want a baby, it's a very exciting thing. But at the same time, it's also extremely nervewracking and scary. How do you get over the uncertainty of being a new parent?

Yee, I don't think you every get over the scary! You're responsible for this whole new life. But eventually, the hilarious, and the gross, and the amazing balance out the freaky and you sort of start to trust yourself and trust each other, and the dudette or little dude starts growing and talking and you sort of stop being ruled by the scary and embrace it.

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